I am NOT a little kid!

Man today has felt like I was back in freakin' Middle School or High School.
All day my mom bitched and bitched at me such as clean your room, clean the litter box, why don't you do anything?!
GOD.
So fucking annoying!
I DO do stuff! I have a job! I was sick yesterday! and I had been doing stuff since friday! GIVE ME A FUCKIN BREAK.
Yea room needs clean but come on you are talking down to me like a fucking child granted I am your kid but I am a fucking adult so YOU need to act like it!
This whole day just makes me wanna save as much as I can by fall and just move out. I am seriously DONE with this place.
My mom has been being the biggest bitch today and she yells at me for snapping at her when she isn't listening to the shit coming out of her mouth!
Well mom screw you. I am done with this and I am moving out by fall. No later then late spring!

Best Dog In The World.

A lot of people could say they have the best dog in the world. When I say this I TRULEY mean it. She is so smart. I am sure she knows 300+ words & phrases. August or July 2009 she started to get a tumor around her neck area which we had gotten removed but just three months later I believe in October she got another tumor. The vet sent her to another place that specilizes in cancer of dogs. Soon they had it removed (along with slimming down her neck) But later I believe in march I caught the tumor again in her chest. This time we didn't have enough money to put her through chemotherapy or even get it removed. I don't know if it's god saying it's time for her to go now but why her? Why stick her with this RE-occuring disease. I have been watching her go from a happy old dog to a in pain dieing dog. Last night my eyes were opened as I took her outside, it was so hard for her to go to the bathroom I cried. It pains me I am not gonna have another special dog like her again. She understands what you are saying. You may not believe me but she really does. She knows when you are crying so she will come and comfort you. But now when I see her she is disoriented and confused even when she goes outside.
I must ask god WHY would you give her this disease and shorten our time with her. It pained me to watch this tumor grow and stay around her neck. But one thing I can say is we tried to save her twice. It's not like we didn't try. Today I am going to make a slide show of her and put it on youtube tommorrow night. This will make me feel better. and she will be in less pain now. She is one dog I will never forget.

I love this dog so much and she will be missed. Even if sometimes she's a bitch ;) But I still love her!

-Brittany

This is a breakdown...

You could say I might as well cry in a corner and have a breakdown.

I was fine allllll day today during my mom's surgery and after it.

Then we got to her room.

I found out my grandmother had a "silent stroke" meaning she didn't know when she had it or anything.

Well that shocked me

But then

what makes me wanna scream cry, punch walls, and what not is..

she has altizmer's and they don't know what stage it is or what kind if it'll go fast or slow.

But UGH

I just wanna break down right now.

On a better note

my mom is doing fine.

And I have an idea for a book I may write.

So,

peace!

<3

Me

Breakdown

It seemed months ago I had no worries about my mother's double knee surgery.

I thought "Oh it's not til september 21st! I have no worries!"

Yeah,

right brain.

But now september 21st is this monday.

And it feels like I could break down and cry.

I am not going to have my mom for awhile,

my dad and I really don't get a long too well.

Like when we fight boy we fight,

I remember when I was 7 years old,

he was about to spank me,

and I ran and ran, and then when i was cornered, I almost shoved him through the porch window.

Yeah

One time he punched a door and left a big dent in it because he was yelling at me.

But as you can see we don't really get along. :/

But I guess it's a good thing he works the evening/night shift at work.

So we don't see eachother unless if it's friday's and saturday's.

But it's really hitting me hard that my mom could have the possiblity of either dieing or not walking again.

And my grandfather (her dad) didn't have both of his legs either and was in a wheelchair most of his life.

I never did really meet him.. he died when I was a baby.

But I really am afraid for her to have this surgery.

She was rideing on the hope of her kidney's not working so she didn't have to have it...

It pained me to hear her talk about it.

This friday night after work we're gonna see cloudy with a chance of meatballs and I'm gonna take her out to dinner since we won't have time on saturday :(

But right now I really do wanna break down.

It feels like I am alone right now.

Especially since I don't have anyone physically here to have a shoulder to cry on.

But something that may help me get through this is music.
And it doesn't help that the fact my ipod is not working at all.

So I need to get a new ipod FML. anybody wanna gimmie one? lol jk :)

But yea.

If I snap, or tend to be a bit bitchy you will know what is going on in my head now! :D

But peace,

I will write about my mom's surgery on monday...

<3

Me

Ugh..

Right now my brain is trying to think faster then it can process.

About this moment i feel like i would like to cry.

I just had like an hour and a half conversation with my mother.

It's just ugh.

She is getting knee surgery and the doctor reccomended this thing down at Ohio state with exercising and stuff.

My mom wants me to do it with her.

But see my problem is,

I'm so insecure about myself I hate working out in public.

It feels like everyone is judgeing me.

And i know for a fact if I attempt to work out at home it would be for about two weeks then I would give up probably.

Idk if I would go with her or not.

But ugh.

I don't really feel like typing anymore.

kbye.

<3

Me

Just my fucking luck...

A Water bottle opened in my purse day before yesterday and I just noticed it yesterday.

I didn't noticed anything but whiped the water off.

I plugged it into my computer and it was fine.

But then when I took it out,

I left to go do something.

Came back in my room and it had a white screen,

I couldn't tell what the high pitched sound was coming from.

But it was coming from my ipod.

Right now MOST of the water is out of the screen because I put it under some light and it dried it up.

But right now it's gonna sit in rice for a week.

After I save some money I am gonna buy a new ipod cuz lord knows I need it haha.

But ugh that is seriously my luck. -_-

<3

It hurts me to hear..

I really pains me to see my mother in pain.

September 21st... a date I am dreading.

Not only school will be starting on the 23rd or around there,

my dad is suggesting to just quit finiacial aid and just wait for winter quarter for the palgrant.

Which I wouldn't mind doing.

But on september 21st,

My mother is getting BOTH. Not just one but BOTH knee's replaced.

She is not going to be living with me for probably a month.

She'll probably be in a care facility and what not,

but I am so afraid,

she had a fight with my uncle and he told her she probably isn't going to walk again,

so right now I fear she may not be able to walk again,

but I will hope for the best.

But on a lighter note I finished watching/catching up on weeds. :)

Bye guys

<3